Two Mamas, One Baby Boy (On The Way!)

A blog to record the trials and tribulations of two married women trying to have a kid. Because getting pregnant without a penis in the bedroom is really complicated. And overwhelming. But we're convinced it'll be worth all the trouble and then some. I'm Tracy. I'm 34 and my wife is 30. We've been together for five years, married for two, and we have 3 dogs, a cat, and a betta fish.

We were trying to conceive with a known donor and home inseminations, but after 6 unsuccessful attempts, made the decision to seek the help of an RE and move to IUIs. I took 50mg of Clomid CD3-7, ovulated on CD14, and we got our BFP on 12/23/13 at 16DPO!

Lilypie Maternity tickers

So…these allergies or this cold or whatever it is I have has morphed into an ear infection. I have antibiotics now, though, and a decongestant, and I had better be feeling better very soon. I can’t call in sick to my job, so will have to work tomorrow still. Last night I was woken by my throbbing ear pain at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 4:30am and they’ve been hurting all day. As long as I get a better night’s sleep tonight, I think my workday tomorrow will be bearable.

Sick at 35 weeks (tomorrow) pregnant sucks.

My lovely wife is off getting my prescriptions now.

No, no…*I’m* the one with the hormone-enhanced insecurity about my wife’s ultimately harmless flirting. That post was written by my wife. ;)

It’s a good thing I have the wife I do and she isn’t faulting me for them. More from her on the subject now:

"A co-worker warned me a few weeks ago that at this point in the pregnancy, my wife would have the raging hormones of teenage girl.  

She wasn’t kidding.

Holy crap, she wasn’t kidding.

Being a former teenage girl myself, I don’t want to imply that they are bad in anyway for having these raging hormones.  But once you reach adulthood and you look back on who you were then, the crushes you had, the things you did in the name of “true love”, and the absolutely insane thoughts surrounding possession of people, feelings, and dear god the lengths you went to.  Sorry, sorry, I’ll quit talking about it - don’t want to cause any flashbacks for you guys.

First, let me tell you a little something about myself: I’m a bit of an extrovert.  But beyond that, I’m a chatter who genuinely takes pleasure in other people’s company.  ”Oh that’s nice!” you are thinking to yourself.  No, see, I will literally stand in a parking lot with my bike helmet on and one foot on the pedal to mount for 2 hours and talk someone’s ear off.  It’s even worse when I’m aided and abetted by someone similar to me.  It’s even worse when you’re expected at home and no one knows where you are and you don’t even realize 2 hours has passed.

So anyway… last Thursday (see above).

The problem is, and why I started with the whole hormone discussion, is that my partner-in-crime happened to be a funny, cute, nerdy, friendly comic book shop guy.

Yes, I’m well aware I fucked up, thanks.

I’m not trying to excuse what happened by saying, “oh hormones” or “oh that’s just me”.  Because in all seriousness, I did fuck up.  I stopped to pick up a book from the comic shop well aware that I would probably get distracted chatting (it had happened before, but for much less time and when my wife was with me a few weeks before).  I didn’t tell my wife because she was concerned that Comic Book Shop Guy was flirting with me* and I knew she’d be mad.  

(*I should point out that we’re both bi and predominately were with men before dating each other)

Take 1 part clueless chatty friendly extroverted wife, 1 part teenaged girl hormones, 1 part friendly dude,  1 part complete lack of communication when I wasn’t where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there and you have something that is quite explosive.  And not in a good way.

We are currently attempting to navigate chaos caused by my bad choices and raging hormones.  It’s involved a lot of tears, and a few “I’m sorry about that,” cupcakes.  But what I find sort of ironically humorous in a not funny way about the whole situation is that poor Comic Book Shop Guy is getting an inordinate amount of attention in our marraige (unbeknownst to him, mind).  Communication with him is negotiated on a daily basis, planning to drag him to Snowpiercer this weekend (YOU HAVE TO GO SEE THIS MOVIE!) rivals D-day planning, and possibly a hike (stroll around the Arboretum with all three-no FOUR- of us) next week has involved quite a bit of bargaining.  Trying to be friends with someone who, through no fault of his own, is seen as a threat to your marriage has been … interesting.

There’s a lot going on here that I wanted to talk about.

First of all, partners, it’s ok that your pregnant partner is feeling a little crazy.  She’s got something growing inside her that is making her seek safety, security, partnership, stability, etc.  Things that 9 months ago would’ve been fine, suddenly aren’t.  Be patient, and kind, and understanding.  But I’ve also made a very conscious decision to not negotiate with them either.  And some of you may not agree or understand that decision.  

Second, I’m doing something I never thought I’d be doing, disclosing the contents of every single communication and conversation I have with a friend to my wife. I’ve always felt strongly that people would be independent in a relationship, that the beauty of a relationship is that the whole is greater than the sum its parts.  Which, to me at least, means that you remain your own person.  It’s not the only way to have a relationship, but it’s my way.  

Third, I fucked up a few weeks ago.  I did.  I did something I’m not proud of and it’s had a significant impact on my relationship.  It’s not helped by the fact that I chose the worst possible moment to fuck up.  Or that Tracy’s brain is telling her that she must protect her safety and security at all costs at this moment - including ensuring that I am going to be there for her in the coming days, months, and years.

And finally fourth.  Communication.  Not communicating will mess you up every time.  Communicating fully and openly means you get to see the Best Movie EverTM (seriously, go see Snowpiercer), go on a lovely hike, AND get cupcakes.” 

Ugh, I’m not feeling well (again). I’m pretty sure it’s allergies (again), so I started up with Claritin (again) and will just stay on it through the duration of this pregnancy. Because the very last thing I want is to go into labor feeling like this - body aches, headache, and a sore and scratchy throat. Pollen levels are super high around here right now and my wife has been feeling a little under the weather, too. Stupid allergies.

I had a midwife appointment yesterday and all went well. Baby boy’s heartbeat continues to be strong. His movements are much bigger now and often take me by surprise. I lost 4 pounds since my last visit 2 weeks ago, meaning a total weight gain of only 13.4 pounds thus far, but she didn’t seem concerned. I’ve had almost no appetite the last few days, but haven’t been very hungry in general for a few weeks now. It’ll be interesting to see what the scale says in another 2 weeks. And after that, I start my weekly appointments.

I try really hard not to complain too much on this blog because I know when I was TTC, it was really difficult to read posts in which women would complain about being pregnant when I would have given just about anything to trade places with them. I even had to unfollow some blogs for a while, I would get so irritated. But I have to say, being pregnant, even when you really want to be and wouldn’t trade it away for anything, truly isn’t always easy. I’ve been really uncomfortable the last couple days, but in ways unrelated the to allergy stuff. Like I just can’t get comfortable easily (or stay comfortable for very long). Finding a position to sit or sleep in that doesn’t cause labored breathing is challenging and my belly feels extremely heavy and stretched to its limit. Standing sucks because my feet ache terribly after only 15 minutes or so. Thankfully, I only have another week and a half of work before I go on maternity leave. I’M SO EXCITED. Hopefully I’ll be able to get more rest then and that’ll help lessen some of my physical and emotional symptoms.

I know I sound like a broken record, but it continues to shock me how close we are to meeting our baby boy. Even as I sit here and type this and feel and see him moving around inside of me, there’s still this hypothetical aspect to it all when I think about him actually being here with us. I can’t wait to hold him, can’t wait to see my wife with him, to lay in bed with her, our tiny little boy in between us. It’s an amazing thing to have that to look forward to and I am so incredibly grateful.

freckledog replied to your post: nyclust replied to your post:&nbs…

Would totally recommend seeking out a therapist now. If it’s a non-MD, then preferably one who partners with a psychiatrist for med back-up in the case that you do decide to go on anti-depressants post-partum.

I have a very strong aversion to antidepressants, have been on more than one in the past and never felt they were effective enough to deal with the side effects. I think they can be incredibly helpful for a lot of people, but they would truly be a last resort for me. Like things would have to be *really* bad. In the last 6 years or so, I’ve seen 2 different therapists at 2 different times in my life and have felt the therapy alone to be very effective for me. But thank you for the input! <3

nyclust replied to your post: 34+1

Totally unsolicited advice but I had anticipatory anxiety about post-partum depression (and a history of depression and anxiety) and went and saw a psychiatrist who specialized in pre/post natal mental health and it really helped.

I’ve thought about seeking out a therapist. I have no aversion to therapy, have sought it out several times in my life, but just haven’t taken the steps. Yet. I think it might be a good idea to at least start looking into it. Thank you for the advice. <3

smoothsweetness replied to your post: 34+1

I’ve heard TONS of amazing stories about placenta pills helping with PPD, if you haven’t looked into doing that already :)

You know, I’ve started to consider it. It wasn’t anything I was really all that interested in doing until recently. Frankly, the idea kinda grosses me out. Not that I judge anyone who chooses to! It’s just never been something I wanted to do. But I’ve heard how much it can help with PPD, too, and I’m starting to think I should maybe try it, like I shouldn’t pass up any opportunity that could possibly help me.

One of the midwives at the birth center does the encapsulation, which is nice and convenient, so maybe I’ll get more details from her. I think we’d have to keep my placenta in our refrigerator or freezer for a couple days, though, and I’m honestly not sure I want to deal with that. Lol. Thank you, too, for the input!

It's nice to see your updates on my dash. I'm sending some soothing energy your way. Hopefully it helps!
twomamasonebabyboy twomamasonebabyboy Said:

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! xo

image

Only 6 weeks until my due date. Physically, I’m feeling relatively well - hip pain most nights and my feet hurt like hell every day after work, and I’m still not super hungry, but it could be much worse.

Emotionally, I’m a wreck and having a rough time. Familiar feelings of depression, insecurity, and inadequacy have wormed their way into my brain once more. It’s exhausting, both for me and for my wife, I know. I mean, how often can you realistically ask the person who has clearly devoted her life to you and the baby you will soon have together if she’s sure you and this life you have together are “enough”? It’s not really fair and she shouldn’t have to reassure me at all. And yet I want to ask her every day lately.

I worry about postpartum depression. I feel like it’s a given, really. I’m trying really hard to come up with some coping techniques now, but it’s difficult to not just give into it and cry all day, ya know? But I’m working on it.

We need to make a list of what to pack in our hospital bag. Well, birth center bag. I’m most excited to pick out baby boy’s going home outfit, of course. I think we’ll pick out a couple different ones to ensure a proper fit. :)

He’s been pretty active lately. Last night, especially. We were laughing as we watched him roll around and my wife said she almost expected him to burst out of my stomach ‘Alien’-style. Thankfully he didn’t, of course, but that’s how vigorous his movements were. 

We went to a Tori Amos concert the other night and he was fairly active through that, too. More so for the pre-show Led Zeppelin that was blasting, however. My boy likes to rock out to the classics, apparently. For the last 4 songs of the show, the audience was allowed to rush the stage. Being the die-hard fans we are, we were right in the middle of the crowd. I chose a spot right in front of a speaker because it allowed a good 2-3 feet of space to be in front of me and my belly. But 2 girls, one very drunk, didn’t get the memo that if you stand in front of a speaker, you can’t actually see the performer on stage and as they wormed their way through the crowd and in front of me, I got to contend with them jumping up and down to see and then, when realizing they couldn’t, start dancing and dry humping each other. They bumped into my belly twice and my wife got super protective and soon everyone around us heard her say I was pregnant and they all formed this protective wall around me to no one else would get too close. It was hilarious and awesome.

Okay, off to get some Sunday chores done. Have a great day, everyone!

  • Less than 3 weeks until my last day of work, folks. And less than 7 weeks until my due date. It’s all going to go by in the blink of an eye, I know it.

  • My mom is buying her plane ticket to be here for the first 2 weeks of October and has blessedly volunteered to stay in a nearby hotel rather than with us. I was so relieved when she mentioned it because it was a thought that had occurred to me more than once, but I didn’t want her to think or feel she was unwelcome here. But given how tired and overwhelmed we’ll likely be, I think her staying elsewhere will be the best thing for everyone. She’ll borrow one of our cars and drive over every morning so that she can be here when my wife is at work and then she’ll go back to her hotel room in the evenings. Plus my wife may be taking a quick weekend trip to attend a close friend’s wedding, so my mom will be here to help me over that time, too. Bonus? My aunt will come up for most of the second week so she can meet and help out with baby boy, too.

  • My wife’s work is throwing a double baby shower for us and one of her coworkers, who’s due a week and a half after me, in a couple weeks, which is so nice. I’m kind of hoping we’ll get a few more things from our registry, I must admit. But even if we don’t, I so appreciative of them wanting to celebrate. Everyone is so kind when there’s a baby on the way.

  • We went swimming yesterday! It’s been hot and one of my wife’s other coworkers invited us over to use the pool in her townhouse community. It was so lovely. It felt amazing to be in the water and feel weightless for a little bit. And baby boy was kicking and moving up a storm. But then when I got out and gravity hit, my belly felt heavier than ever! Haha. We’re going swimming again on Wednesday, but in a local lake rather than a pool. I’m super excited. 

image

  • It’s no secret that pregnant women are raging with hormones that can make them overly emotional in a variety of different ways. Already being an emotional person, pregnancy has absolutely increased that in me and has really caused me to feel things a very heightened level. For a few different reasons, I’ve been overwhelmed today with a heightened sense of love for my wife. Certain events as of late have really drove home how much she, our relationship, and this expansion of our little family mean to me and just how happy I am with her. We’ve had our share of ups and downs and we will obviously continue to, especially as we adjust to life as parents, but I can’t imagine my life without her, can’t imagine having this baby with anyone but her, and am so grateful to have her as my partner in love and in life. 

    I love you, babe. Always.

tumble-duh replied to your post: Hello, baby boy! He was none too pleas…

From what I know, that can happen in utero an usually fixes itself once the pressures later upon birth. Hopefully your little man follows suit!

Thank you, this is exactly what we’re hoping for! 

utternutter replied to your post: Hello, baby boy! He was none too pleas…

Yes, H is right! We even have a 3-D image of The Boy’s face — save ~something~ for a surprise! ;) So glad everything went well today. (I CANNOT get used to these 3-D ultrasound images! I am so not of Babyland :) xo

A surprise it shall be. ;) The 3D scans are crazy, aren’t they?! I’m loving that we are getting such a great glimpse of what he looks like already. :)

oldsouliving replied to your post: Hello, baby boy! He was none too pleas…

He’s so gosh darn cute! That little pouty face is just too much! <3

Thank you so much!! I can’t help but agree. ;) Everyone keeps commenting on those cheeks and those lips - I can’t wait to see them in person! <3

storkchasing replied to your post: Hello, baby boy! He was none too pleas…

Too cute!! I’m so jealous we couldn’t get clear pix of our boy! My placenta was right over him! It’s sooo exciting being able to see what they look like in there!! Congrats mamas!!

Thank you!! I’m so sorry you couldn’t get a clear view of your little boy! One of the couples in out childbirth class said that every time they went in for an ultrasound, their little one was never in the right position for them to see his face. I’m so grateful our guy isn’t shy. ;)