Two Mamas, One Baby Boy (On The Way!)

A blog to record the trials and tribulations of two married women trying to have a kid. Because getting pregnant without a penis in the bedroom is really complicated. And overwhelming. But we're convinced it'll be worth all the trouble and then some. I'm Tracy. I'm 34 and my wife is 30. We've been together for five years, married for two, and we have 3 dogs, a cat, and a betta fish.

We were trying to conceive with a known donor and home inseminations, but after 6 unsuccessful attempts, made the decision to seek the help of an RE and move to IUIs. I took 50mg of Clomid CD3-7, ovulated on CD14, and we got our BFP on 12/23/13 at 16DPO!

Lilypie Maternity tickers

I’m utterly exhausted, mostly because Declan and I were up all night, but I’m also deliriously happy. He and I seem to have hit our stride with nursing, which is huge. Hopefully my milk starts coming in tomorrow. So much more to say, but I need a nap, so I’ll save it for another post.

Sorry (not sorry) for the baby spam!

I’m so, so in love.

Declan Samuel. Born at 6:11am, 7lb 11 oz, 19.5 inches long. Totally natural birth! He was born posterior and his head measured 14 inches. We can’t wait to get home. Thanks for the well-wishes, everyone. I am beyond exhausted, in pain, but so, so happy.

I still wasn’t having contractions by 7pm, so we were all getting concerned about timing and the 24 hour limit my midwife was looking for - meaning she wanted me in full, active labor within 24 hours of my water breaking or else the risk of infection starts. So she recommended going in to hospital and we’re going to try to get things going with Misoprostol and hope that works soon. I had a little crying meltdown once I got here, mourning my birth plan of laboring at home and giving birth at the birth center. But I know I’m in good hands with my midwife and that she’ll help replicate the birth center experience as best she can. I’m currently 2cm and 80% effaced, which is a good place to be starting at, I’m told.

I’m scared and excited and full of nervous energy. My wife is downstairs getting us some food and then we’re both going to try to rest a little.

Thanks for the continued well-wishes, all.

Just woke up from a much-needed nap. The midwife suggested I take a Benadryl and get some rest, so that’s what I did and feel more rested than I did this morning. My wife got a good nap in, too. The non-stress test went well.

Still no contractions! Nothing regular, anyway, or any worse than what I was feeling this morning. Hopefully they start soon. But I have until 2am before they’ll start to discuss interventions to get me into active labor. So now I shall eat, drink lots of water, walk, bounce on my birthing ball, and bust out the breast pump for some good ol’ fashioned nipple stimulation. :p

Thanks for the well-wishes, all!!!

My water broke at 2am this morning. Not in active labor yet, but very crampy off and on. Headed into the birth center now to do a non stress test on baby boy and then we’ll come back home and try to get contractions started.

Holy crap, you guys. I totally thought I had more time!

I’ve been very lucky in the nearly 2 years that I’ve had this blog in that I have received no hate and no judgement, anon or otherwise, but that streak was sadly broken yesterday. And really, the anon message I got wasn’t hateful, just very matter-of-fact, pedantic, and judgmental. I honestly just laughed when I first read the message, but slowly, surely, the anger crept in. Not at the anon specifically, because I refuse to get worked up about messages on Tumblr, of all places, but at the narrow thinking still very present in much of society today. It makes me angry that I do feel a need to defend myself and my family’s structure when someone chooses to confront us about it with an obvious lack of understanding, knowledge, or compassion.

It made my wife angry, too, and she wanted to share a few words. So here they are:

"At one of our very first midwife appointments she casually said something about the baby’s "father".  I didn’t correct her so much as I simply answered using the phrase, "biological donor" or something like.  At the end of the appointment she gave us some brochures and mentioned that she would try a lot harder to be better about automatically referring to the baby’s male biological donor as the "father".  I replied that it was appreciated, not only for couples like us, same-sex, but also for anyone whose biological male donor might or might not be the child’s father as well.  Including single moms, children conceived through in-vitro, or even women with male partners who were simply not genetically related to their children for whatever the reason.

Father is not a genetic designation, it is an emotional one.  Our child has a genetic male donor - not a father.

Yes, I’m perfectly aware that a male was involved in the conception of my child, but whether we purchased that material from a bank, asked a friend to lend a hand (yes, that was intentional, I’m not above such jokes), or Tracy actually had sexual intercourse with a man for the purposes of getting pregnant - our child does not have a father.  

And I’m ok with that.

Tracy doesn’t have a father.  Sure, she has the man whom her mother was married to when she got pregnant, but Tracy never met him.  And then she has the man who raised her until she was 11, but he didn’t consider himself her father and she doesn’t consider him her father either.

I have a father.  I also happen to be biologically related to my father. My older sister is not.  But legally, emotionally, and familially, he is her father. Once the adoption papers were signed her biological “father” simply ceased to exist - legally.  She’s met him - he’s still alive and well and genetically related.   

So don’t tell me that my child has a father.  Don’t lecture me as if I am unaware of how biology works.  Don’t correct me and say, “oh, so your [known donor] is the father?”  No.  No he is not.  He is the donor.  Don’t change my terminology, don’t insult my very deliberate choices, and I don’t like your implication that some dude’s genetic relationship to my child is more important than my emotional one.

My son has two moms.  He does not have a father.  I am ok with that. Why aren’t you?”

kira-and-babytj replied to your post: 39 weeks

Very cool! So the baby’s biological “father” is his uncle?

Technically, yes. But we won’t be describing him as such (“father”), of course. Our son has two moms and an uncle to whom he will have a special connection and who will be a very important part of his life. :)

pregnantwitharainbow replied to your post: 39 weeks

Raspberry leaf tea is supposed to encourage labour, as is eating pineapple ;-) probably old wives tales but worth a shot?

Definitely worth a shot! I’m not really a tea drinker, but I figure I’ll give it a try. I love me some pineapple, though. :)